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I later heard that Uncle Clyde and Aunt Nancy were divorced and that cousin Amy had been sent to a private boarding school somewhere in North Carolina. I never saw Aunt Connie or Cousin Ike again although it was rumored that she had remarried and that Ike had gone on the road with a heavy metal band.And, I had not seen Pamela since that fateful day until she walked into my office at Engineering Services Corporation a week or so after I got her surprise email."Bobby, you grew up!" Pamela exclaimed as she swept in through my office door."Wow... you did too, cousin!"And certainly she had. The long-legged, dark complexioned teen in my memory had grown into a stunningly beautiful woman. Her conservatively cut dark hair now framed her face and amplified the brightness of her familiar broad smile. I would have recognized that smile anywhere, but I'm not sure that I would have quickly recognized the rest of her. She looked so much more sophisticated and worldly now.Pamela moved gracefully. Even if she had understood them it wouldn't have helped, because her friends at the time weren't exactly bragging about their own experimentations. She would later realize she was not the first girl to have those feelings let alone the first to be confused by them.So she suffered in silence, secretly ashamed of her desires. Not just her desire for Cindy, which faded eventually thanks to repression, but also for several other girls and woman. Many would've been shocked to discover that innocent, little Paige, who went to church every Sunday and youth group every Tuesday and even occasionally volunteered for her church's ultra-conservative anti-Halloween house of horrors, secretly wanted nothing more than to discover what it was like to share the love that dare not speak its name with them.Sometimes Paige honestly and truly thought she was an evil sinner who would burn in hell for all eternity for her sinful, disgusting desires. Other times she wished that once, just once she could've.
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